Friday, 1 February 2013

February Update

Well, I'm not gonna lie, I'm waving the month of January off with a smile on my face, glad that it's over!  It's been a rough few weeks as I think most of you will already know.  We lost our baby at the beginning of the month and with that came heart break and a lot of questions.  Most of them directed at God.  

As we came out of the hospital and I'd been bravely trying to hold it together while I was in there (albeit unsuccessfully!) we walked out and I just had to let it all out.  I was angry, upset, confused, hurt, exhausted.... and more.  We sat together, Ken & I, waiting for our ride from the hospital.  As we talked and mostly I just cried, I was hit by a profound truth.  I knew, in that moment, that I had a choice to make as to how I was going to respond.  Would I run from God, angry and bitter, confused and hurt?  Or would I run to Him, knowing that even though I don't know what He's doing, He does.  He's still God of the universe, of my circumstance and that ultimately He has a plan.  Maybe, to you, it sounds like a no brainer.  But honestly to me, I know that it was His Grace prompting me to make that decision in that very moment.  Otherwise I really don't know where I would be today.  I chose Him, and still do, each time those doubts and hurts come to the surface again.  

It's not that that decision made it easy for me to recover emotionally, or physically for that matter.  It didn't.  But, it did give me perspective.  Perspective to see that what we go through can sometimes rock our boat, and turn our world upside down.  It can make us question things we never thought we'd question.  It can make us think that we might never get up again.  But, we have a choice.  There's a Hope.  His name is Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. Hello my brave friend.
    I hope you are well and I am so thankfully God has shown himself to you at this time. I pray He continues to carry you and Ken through this time. I hope you wont mind but this week in my college girls life group we are talking about Gods promise of Love and I would love to share your story with them,in particular this blog as it shows such trust in Jesus despite everything. They like me will find you inspirational.
    Much love xxxx